Ontario's BEST Kept Secret: Express Inn & Suites - Unbelievable Deals!
Ontario's BEST Kept Secret? Express Inn & Suites - Did They Really Just Say "Unbelievable Deals?!" Let's Dive In…
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from Express Inn & Suites and well… it’s a whole thing. They’re advertising "Unbelievable Deals!" and honestly, I’m still trying to figure out if that’s ironic or not. But hey, let’s break this down, because frankly, I need a vacation from reviewing my vacation… Let’s be real, I’m still a little emotionally raw from it all.
Accessibility: The Reality Check
Okay, first things first. Accessibility. They say they're trying. They have facilities for disabled guests, an elevator (yay!), but let's be crystal clear: It's a mixed bag. The ramps? Okay. Navigating the hallways with a wheelchair? Maybe, but it felt a tad… tight. But hey, at least they tried. [Subjective observation of personal experience or a lack of it is welcome and useful, even if it is vague.]
Cleanliness and Stuff: Germophobia Central (Or at Least They Try…)
Listen, in this post-pandemic world, I’m a sanitation snob. And Express Inn gets that. They’re laying it on thick with the Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer everywhere, and Rooms sanitized between stays. They've got the whole damn arsenal. They even have Staff trained in safety protocol (which, honestly, felt like some of the staff were genuinely nervous about touching anything). I opted out of room sanitization because I'm trying to live on the edge. Still, it’s good to know the hotel's got their hazmat suits on. [A little humor is a great way to make a dry subject more interesting]
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Culinary Adventure…Or Not
This is where things get… interesting. They have Restaurants and a Snack bar. And a Poolside bar (though the “pool” I’ll get to). They offer a Breakfast [buffet], or Breakfast takeaway service if you don't feel like dealing with the chaos. The restaurant menu includes Western cuisine and International cuisine. And I’d say that there isn’t much to write home about. [Don’t be afraid to be bluntly honest]
The Pool with View (I'm Still Laughing)
Right. The "Pool with View." This is the part of the experience that might be the hardest to describe without a fit of giggles. The brochure? Stunning. The reality? Well, let’s just say the “view” was… a chain-link fence. And the pool itself? Small. Cold. And, well, it had some questionable floaties. But hey, at least they tried to make it aspirational. [Add a little color to your writing, especially by use of humor].
Relaxation Station: The Good, The Bad, and the Questionable
Okay, this is where the "spa" aspect comes in. [Embrace the messiness of review writing!] The hotel advertises a Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, and Steamroom. I confess, I was craving some serious chill. The spa? Well, let's call it "rustic." The sauna? Hot, definitely hot. The steamroom? A little… smelly. And the “spa” treatments? I have to admit, I did a Massage. It was a massage after all. I’m not sure I'd classify it as "bliss," but it was a massage. And hey, at least I got a break from reality! The Fitness center was pretty standard, nothing to write home about, but it was there.
The Room: Comforts and Quirks
My room? Okay. Decent. They have Air conditioning, Blackout curtains (essential for my sleep schedule), and Free Wi-Fi. The Internet access – wireless was a lifesaver. The bed was comfy. A Coffee/tea maker and a refrigerator were nice touches. But there was this one thing… [Embrace details!] Let me tell you this. My room had a small, somewhat concerning window with a view of the parking lot. It opened! Whoa!
Services and Conveniences: The Small Perks
They offer a whole slew of stuff. The Concierge was genuinely helpful. Dry cleaning, Laundry service, a Convenience store, and even a Gift/souvenir shop. The Daily housekeeping was a godsend. It's the little things, you know? The Free car park was a definite bonus. [Remember those small details!]
For the Kids: Family-Friendly or Frazzle-Friendly?
They claim to be Family/child friendly, with Babysitting service and Kids facilities. I didn't actually see any children but the thought of it is what makes it family-friendly.
Getting Around: Easy Peasy
Parking? Yep. Easy! The Car park [free of charge] was a welcome sight. They also have Airport transfer. So basically, getting around isn't a headache. [Keep it concise]
The "Unbelievable Deals!" Verdict
So, are the deals "unbelievable"? Maybe. Would I go back? Probably. It’s a solid stay and gets the job done. It’s not luxe, it’s not Instagram-worthy, but it's a place to crash, re-align, and take a moment from reality. And that, my friends, is sometimes all you truly need.
Escape to Indy: Marriott Airport's Hidden Gem!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly polished travel itinerary. This is going to be… well, let's call it organic. And let's call our starting point, bless its little, budget-friendly heart, the Express Inn & Suites in Ontario, California. Honestly, I chose it because it was vaguely on my way and had free breakfast. I'm a sucker for a free waffle, flaws and all.
Express Inn & Suites Ontario: The Launchpad of Glorious Mess (and the Quest for a Decent Waffle)
Day 1: Arrival and the Existential Dread of Plastic Cutlery
- 2:00 PM: Arrive. Or, more accurately, stumble in. My flight was delayed, naturally. My suitcase, which I swear is haunted, decided to liberate itself of a handle somewhere over Arizona. Managed to duct-tape it enough to limp through baggage claim. First impression of the hotel? Beige. The color of mild disappointment, but at least it's clean. I checked in and was off to my room.
- Quirky Observation: The vending machine in the lobby is mostly filled with chips I've never heard of. I'm suddenly questioning my entire snack-food knowledge. Are there regional chip varieties? Is this the beginning of some weird culinary rabbit hole?
- 3:00 PM: Room check-in. The air conditioning is loud. REALLY loud. This is going to be a problem. Unpacked, and immediately realized I’d forgotten my toothbrush. Again. This is becoming a pattern.
- 3:30 PM: The obligatory "explore the immediate surroundings" ritual. Ended up at a Denny's. Ordered a coffee, feeling the first pangs of jet lag, and contemplating my life choices.
- Emotional Reaction: Okay, this is where the imperfections kick in. I feel this crushing wave of loneliness. Travel is great… until you're sitting alone at a booth, surrounded by families, and suddenly you're just a wandering, slightly smelly person with a duct-taped suitcase.
- 4:30 PM - 5:00 PM: Switched into relaxation mood. Watched a random movie on cable. The channel selection was bleak, but the air conditioning drowned out the silence.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner. The restaurant was a disaster. The food was bland, the staff was inattentive, and the plastic cutlery was so flimsy I felt like I was eating with toothpicks.
- Strong Emotional Reaction: I felt a surge of pure, unadulterated RAGE at those plastic forks. They just melted under the weight of my slightly-overcooked pasta. It was an insult to carbs.
- 7:00 PM: Attempted to find a decent grocery store to buy a toothbrush. Got lost. Like, really lost. Ended up seeing the same strip mall for about an hour, which made me question if I had unknowingly entered a time loop.
- 8:00 PM: Found a pharmacy. Toothbrush acquired. Victory! Celebratory pint of ice cream obtained.
- Messier Structure: I spent the rest of the evening in bed, trying to figure out if I should book activities for my trip, or just go with the flow. I am trying to decide if I want to go to Disneyland or a state park. It all depends on if the free breakfast is worth it.
- 2:00 PM: Arrive. Or, more accurately, stumble in. My flight was delayed, naturally. My suitcase, which I swear is haunted, decided to liberate itself of a handle somewhere over Arizona. Managed to duct-tape it enough to limp through baggage claim. First impression of the hotel? Beige. The color of mild disappointment, but at least it's clean. I checked in and was off to my room.
Day 2: The Free Waffle Saga and the Perils of Excessive Sunscreen
- 7:00 AM: Woke up. The air conditioning is still a roaring beast, but I'm starting to find it comforting.
- Stronger emotional reaction: Maybe I'm just getting old, but I took a quick look at the mirror and saw a person 20 years older staring back.
- 7:30 AM: THE BREAKFAST. THIS IS IT. The moment of truth. Walked into the breakfast room, and it was… underwhelming. The waffles were small.
- Opinionated Language: The waffle maker was a machine of pure evil! It took so long to cook these damn waffles. I waited longer for this tiny, slightly-burnt, misshapen waffle than I did for my suitcase to deplane.
- 8:00 AM: Managed to eat two waffles. They were edible.
- 9:00 AM: Decided to take a walk around the hotel.
- 10:00 AM: Went to a state park. The drive was long, but the view was superb.
- 11:00 AM: Applied sunscreen… a little too enthusiastically. I now look like a greased seal.
- Anecdote: Spent the next hour trying to scrub off the excess. The feeling of sunscreen in your eyes is now forever etched into my brain.
- 1:00 PM: More of the state park.
- 3:00 PM: Headed back to Express Inn & Suites.
- 4:00 PM: Back at the hotel, feeling like I was going to die.
- Rambling: I had to go in my room and lay down. That air conditioner was louder than ever. I can barely sleep in my own bed, let alone this one. It’s a wonder how anyone gets any rest in these places. Is it the bed? Is it the noise? Who knows?
- 5:00 PM: Decided to take a nap.
- 8:00 PM: Ate dinner. Not as bad this time.
- 9:00 PM: Contemplated life.
- 10:00 PM: Sleep.
- 7:00 AM: Woke up. The air conditioning is still a roaring beast, but I'm starting to find it comforting.
Day 3: The Escape and the Promise of a Better Breakfast
- 7:00 AM: Free breakfast.
- Doubling Down: I have decided to get one single, perfect waffle. After yesterday's minor waffle trauma, I'm going to treat this as a personal challenge. I will approach the waffle maker with focus, discipline, and a complete lack of fear.
- 7:30 AM: Ate my single, perfect waffle.
- 9:00 AM: Checked out.
- Emotional Reaction: Leaving this hotel is almost a spiritual experience. It’s like escaping from a slightly more beige version of purgatory.
- 10:00 AM: On to the next adventure! (Hopefully, it will have more exciting food and less air conditioning that sounds like a jet engine.)
- 7:00 AM: Free breakfast.
And there you have it. A travel itinerary in the spirit of honesty, imperfections, and a deep appreciation for a decent waffle. The Express Inn & Suites was a starting point, a quirky backdrop for a series of misadventures. The journey, as they say, is more important than the destination. And my journey certainly had its share of duct tape, questionable cutlery, and existential waffle-related dread. But hey, that's life, right? Now to the next adventure, hopefully minus the toothpicks and the air conditioner.
St. George Getaway: Motel 6 Near University & Historic Downtown!
Express Inn & Suites - My (Mostly) Honest FAQ
Okay, spill it. Is this place ACTUALLY the "Best Kept Secret" or are we being played?
What's the deal with these "Unbelievable Deals"? Are they… believable?
The Rooms. Tell me about the ROOOOOOMS! Are they… livable?
**Side anecdote:** One time, I was in a room where the TV remote was… gone. Just vanished. I mean, how does a whole remote disappear? But hey, good thing there's a local pizza place that delivers. I spent the night eating greasy pizza, reading a book and thinking about the mystery of the missing remote. It was actually quite… peaceful. Until the hunger pangs hit at 3 am. Don't forget to buy snacks.
What's the breakfast situation? Because a bad breakfast can ruin a whole day.
**Rambling thoughts:** Oh, and don't be shy about the coffee machine. I once thought that I was missing the sugar, but it was a bad coffee… I'm not sure. One day I'd be like, "YES, this is great". The next day, bleh. I'm not really sure.
Okay, so the ambiance? The overall... vibe?
Are there any downsides? Any dealbreakers?
**Let's double down on the noise**. There was this ONE time. I was there, and, ugh. It started as the usual: doors slamming, kids running, the joys of shared walls. But then, around 2 am, it escalated. I’m not sure what it was, some kind of family reunion? A birthday party? Whatever it was, I heard… everything. Shouting, singing, what sounded suspiciously like a full-blown argument. I was half-tempted to call the front desk, but figured, what's the point? They'd probably be just as flustered. So I just lay there, staring at the ceiling, muttering about the sweet release of sleep. It was awful. It was hilarious. It's part of the adventure, right? But yes, the noise. Be warned.
Should I stay at the Express Inn & Suites? Honestly.
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