Portland Riverfront Getaway: Holiday Inn Luxury Awaits!
Portland Riverfront Getaway: Holiday Inn Luxury…Or Just a Solid Stay? (A Messy Review)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's sterile hotel review. I'm here to spill the tea on the Holiday Inn Portland Riverfront Getaway, and let me tell you, it was… an experience. Let's dive headfirst, shall we?
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- Meta Description: A frank and funny review of the Holiday Inn Portland Riverfront Getaway. Find out if it lives up to the hype: accessibility, amenities, dining, and if it's truly a "luxury" escape. Real experiences, real opinions!
First Impressions & The Accessibility Angle (My Initial Panic Attack, Briefly):
Right, so pulling up to the Holiday Inn, it looked impressive. That sleek glass facade, promising views of the Willamette… I'm in Portland, and ready to get weird. My initial concern? Accessibility. Because, let’s be real, hotels can sometimes be a minefield. Accessibility – Wheelchair Accessible, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests: Turns out those concerns were largely unwarranted. The entrance? Wide and welcoming. The check-in process was a breeze (more on that later). The elevators? Plentiful. I even took the time to admire the view from the elevators. The staff were really helpful (more on that later)… so I was off to a good start.
The Room: My Personal Fortress of Solitude (and WiFi):
Available in All Rooms: This is where things get interesting!
- Air conditioning: Essential for a Portland summer. Amen.
- Alarm clock: Old-school, but reliable. I still panic if I don't have one.
- Bathrobes, Slippers: Nice touch. Instantly made me feel like a high-roller, even though I was just on a two-day business trip. I totally felt like I was living that "luxury" life.
- Bathroom phone: Did anyone even use these anymore? Still, there.
- Bathtub: Soaked in it, of course. Essential for decompressing after a day of meetings.
- Blackout curtains: Godsend. Perfect for sleeping off the 6am flight to Portland.
- Closet: Room for my stuff. My many outfits.
- Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea: Again, essential for avoiding that dreaded morning office zombie persona.
- Desk, Laptop workspace: Got some work done.
- Extra long bed: Yay for a big bed. Very comfy.
- Free bottled water: Hydration is key, people.
- Hair dryer: Because, you know, glam.
- In-room safe box: Used it! Held my passport, wallet, and all the embarrassing secrets I'd accumulated in Portland.
- Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Wi-Fi [free], Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: Okay, let's be real, this is what I care about. I need that reliable connection to survive, and the Holiday Inn delivered. The free Wi-Fi was a lifesaver. The LAN… I didn't even touch it. That's the tech of my granddad.
- Ironing facilities, Ironing service: Didn't touch either, thankfully.
- Mini bar: Hmm.. no. I'm pretty sure mine was just there to pretend.
- Non-smoking: Excellent.
- On-demand movies: Never used it. Too busy!
- Private bathroom: YES.
- Refrigerator: Kept my water cold!
- Satellite/cable channels: Meh, didn't bother.
- Seating area, Sofa: Comfy enough for a bit of lounging.
- Separate shower/bathtub: Nice!
- Smoke detector: Good to know, I guess.
- Soundproofing, Soundproof rooms: Definitely appreciated. It's so important to not hear the sounds of the city.
- Telephone: …I didn't use it.
- Toiletries: Standard hotel stuff.
- Towels: Fluffy. I'm a sucker for a fluffy towel.
- Umbrella: Handy. Portland weather, am I right?
- Wake-up service: Fine, I suppose.
- Window that opens: Fresh air is always a plus.
Cleanliness and Safety – The COVID-19 Era (Let's Get Real):
Okay, so we're still in the era of… well, you know. Cleanliness and safety, Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Staff trained in safety protocol: The Holiday Inn seemed to be taking things seriously. I saw staff cleaning frequently, hand sanitizers were readily available, and there were signs everywhere reminding guests to stay mindful. I felt reasonably safe. It’s hard to say how the hygiene certification actually worked in action. In my room, I have to admit I didn't walk around inspecting every nook and cranny with a magnifying glass, but I felt fine.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - The Fuel for Adventuring (or at Least, Working):
Oh, the food! Restaurants, A la carte in restaurant, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: The Holiday Inn restaurant, sadly, wasn't epic. Although there was a lot of choice, I didn't find anything that I would rave about. The buffet breakfast… well, it was a buffet breakfast. Standard hotel fare. I did make a beeline for the coffee, however.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax - The Luxury, Or at Least, the Promises Thereof:
Things to do, ways to relax, Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Alright, so the "luxury" part of the promise kinda showed up here. The swimming pool was beautiful, although I have to admit, I didn't get a chance to use it. The fitness center was… adequate. I'm not the gym type, but everything looked clean and modern. And the spa… (cue dramatic pause). Okay, the spa was a highlight. I got a massage, and it really hit the spot. I'm such a sucker for a good massage. That's what I paid for. The other stuff? I only dreamt of using the Sauna, Steamroom, Foot bath, Body wrap, Body scrub (blame the tight work schedule!).
Services and Conveniences - The Unexpected Perks (and the Occasional Flaw):
Services and conveniences, Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: The Holiday Inn offers a ton of services. Daily housekeeping was spot-on. The concierge was super helpful with directions and recommendations. The luggage storage was great. The contactless check-in/out? Smooth sailing. The convenience store was handy for grabbing snacks. The building was definitely old and I would rate it at about a 7/10.
The Little Things That Made Me Smile (and Maybe Groan):
- Check-in/out [express]: Easy peasy.
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly-manicured itinerary. We're diving into the swamp of my Portland adventure, and trust me, it’s going to get…well, real. We're talking about the Holiday Inn Portland Columbia Riverfront, a hotel I'm hoping will be a refuge from my own chaotic brain. Let's see how it goes.
Day 1: Arrival & The Great Coffee Quest (and Possible Disappointment)
1:00 PM: Arrive at Portland International Airport (PDX). Okay, first hurdle: surviving the airport. I swear, those moving walkways are designed to mess with your sense of balance. You'd think after all these years, I'd have mastered them. Nope. Nearly ate it in front of a group of adorable toddlers. Mortified.
- Travel: Uber. Praying I get a good driver this time. Last time? Constant life advice. I was just trying to get to the hotel, dude!
2:00 PM: Check-in at the Holiday Inn (fingers crossed for a riverside view – gotta get my zen on). This is where it starts. Where it really starts. Because… I booked this trip to get away from the mess. Not just my literal mess (my apartment is a disaster zone), but the mental one too. This hotel? My escape hatch. Or at least, I hope so.
2:30 PM: Room Inspection: Okay, initial impressions. Room is… functional. Functional. The bed looks inviting enough to collapse on after the travel ordeal. Breathe. Deep breaths. Oh, and coffee. Must. Find. Good. Coffee.
3:00 PM-ish: The Great Coffee Quest begins! Armed with a Yelp search (I refuse to be that tourist who just strolls blindly), I'm off to find Portland's legendary caffeine nectar. First stop: Some place that sounded hipster-y on Yelp. My expectations are sky-high. I've read so. Many. Reviews…
- 3:30 PM: Arrive at the coffee shop. Bustling. Hipster beards and ironic t-shirts abound. The line is long. Very long. I internally debate whether standing in this line is worth it.
- 3:45 PM: Order my coffee. Feeling slightly intimidated by the barista's impressive latte art skills. They look at me with knowing eyes, the eyes of someone who does this every day. I look at them, knowing I do this, maybe, once a year.
- 4:00 PM: The coffee arrives. Oh. My. God. This stuff is…okay. Not the life-altering experience I'd anticipated. Mild disappointment washes over me like lukewarm bathwater. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe I'm just a caffeine snob. Maybe I just need a nap.
- 3:30 PM: Arrive at the coffee shop. Bustling. Hipster beards and ironic t-shirts abound. The line is long. Very long. I internally debate whether standing in this line is worth it.
5:00 PM: Explore the Columbia Riverfront. Stroll, maybe. Check out the view. Hopefully, the river will be more impressive than the coffee. Or, at least, less disappointing.
6:00 PM: Dinner. Debating an actual restaurant with human interaction or room service. Probably room service, let's be honest. The idea of ordering food, then eating it in my pajamas while watching a terrible movie is… heavenly. Actually, the room service menu is tempting. I may indulge in the ultimate act of self-care: a burger.
7:00 PM - onwards: Collapse. Potentially start reading that book I've been meaning to read for six months. Or, more realistically, scroll endlessly through my phone, feeling vaguely guilty about not being productive.
Day 2: Downtown Debacle & The Quest for Something, Anything, Besides Average.
- 8:00 AM: Wake up. Coffee, again? Do I dare venture out for another coffee after yesterday's failure? Sigh. Yes. Yes, I do. This time, a different place, one with rave reviews about its pastries. My inner optimist is clinging to a sliver of hope.
- 9:00 AM: Downtown Portland. Get lost – literally and figuratively. I'm picturing a cute little city, but let's be honest. I remember the last time I navigated downtown. A bus, a street full of construction, and me muttering to myself about how I'd clearly taken the wrong turn. I'm prepared for the worst.
- 9:30 AM: First stop: Powell's City of Books. This is the one thing I’m genuinely excited about. I've heard legendary tales of its labyrinthine layout and endless supply of books. I'm practically vibrating with anticipation. This is where it's at. This is my Mecca.
- 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Powell's. Lost in aisles. Found a book I thought would be a good read. Lost it. Found it again. Lost in the store. Found a book I knew would be a good read. Realized I should have bought a cart. Overwhelmed with the smells, the thoughts. The sheer volume of possibilities. I emerge, hours later, clutching a stack of books like they are my lifeline. (They probably are).
- 12:00 PM: The food court, again? Or am I hungry for something more?
- 1:00 PM: What is there to see? A museum? Which one? The crowds? The art? Will it be worth going? Or will it all be disappointing?
- 2:00 PM: Another coffee. I feel like I have to redeem myself after yesterday. Is this a good place, or will I go back to the hotel room and cry?
- 3:00 PM - onward: Back to the hotel. This is where the real fun will begin.
Day 3: The Final Stand
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast. Probably from a vending machine. Look, I'm not judging myself right now.
- 9:00 AM: Check out.
- 10:00 AM: Heading back to the airport.
- Travel: Uber, hoping to repeat good fortune and find a driver who doesn't try to find a way to talk to me the whole ride.
- 11:00 AM: Goodbye Portland, even if it's not entirely what I wanted.
- 1:00 PM: Home. And time to start planning my next trip. Maybe somewhere without coffee shops.
So, there you have it. My Portland escapade. Will it be a masterpiece? Probably not. Will it be perfect? Absolutely not. Will I gain some much-needed perspective and (hopefully) return with a newfound appreciation for the simple things? Lord, I sure hope so. Now, wish me luck. I'm going to need it.
Escape to Lake Michigan: Your Kenosha Getaway Awaits!
Okay, so... "Luxury"? Like, *actual* luxury at the Portland Riverfront Holiday Inn? Don't get my hopes up. I've seen marketing before...
Alright, alright, settle down, Grumpy Gus. Look, let's be real. It's a Holiday Inn. Luxury in the five-star-hotel-with-a-private-butler sense? Nah. But for a Holiday Inn, and *especially* considering the location, it's definitely punching above its weight. Think... updated decor, decent beds (important!), and a *killer* view if you snag a river-facing room. I swear, I almost cried watching the sunset over the Willamette from my balcony. Almost. (Don't tell anyone I said that.) It's... elevated Holiday Inn. Think of it as a slightly-better-than-usual, pleasantly-surprising experience. And for the price? Yeah, I'd call that a win.
The location. Is it… you know… *actually* on the river? Or just "river-adjacent"? Because I've been burned before.
Oh. My. God. Yes, it's *actually* on the river. Like, you can practically *smell* the water (in a good way! Mostly). Walking out the lobby puts you right on the waterfront path. It's fantastic for strolling, people-watching (Portland is excellent people-watching material, trust me), or just… zoning out and staring at the boats. I spent a good hour one morning just watching tugboats. Don't judge! The location is hands-down the best thing about this place.
What's the deal with the parking? Seriously, parking in Portland can be a nightmare.
Okay, so here's the deal with parking. It's… not free. But it's convenient. They have a garage, which is a godsend. Yeah, you pay for it. I think it was like, what, $20-something a night? Totally worth avoiding the circling-the-block-for-an-hour-desperation-parking game. Seriously, save yourself the headache and pay the fee. You're on vacation; treat yourself. Plus, the garage felt pretty safe, which is always a bonus. I've had some sketchy parking experiences in Portland, let me tell you…
The rooms. Are they… clean? Because nothing ruins a vacation faster than a suspiciously sticky remote control.
Okay, deep breath. Yes, the rooms are CLEAN. Thank GOD. I'm a bit… picky. I mean, I *always* bring sanitizing wipes (judging look at you), but I didn't feel the *need* to unleash the full wipe-down on this place. The bedding was fresh, the bathroom was spotless, and, praise be, the remote worked and wasn't sticky. Honestly, the cleanliness was one of the things that surprised me most. Small victories, people. Small victories.
Breakfast? Free? Good? Or should I just plan on hitting a food cart instead?
Alright, breakfast. Listen, it's a Holiday Inn. Don't expect Michelin-star cuisine. They do have a complimentary breakfast buffet. It's… adequate. Think scrambled eggs, pre-made sausage, the usual suspects. The coffee was surprisingly decent – a lifesaver in the morning, because I am *NOT* a morning person. Is it worth going out of your way for? Probably not. But is it convenient and free and will it fill your belly before you hit the town? Yes. So, unless you're a breakfast snob (which, hey, no judgement if you are), it’s fine. I'd say *definitely* hit a food cart for lunch, though. Portland food carts are a national treasure!
Anything I should be *really* aware of? Like, hidden fees, or a really loud HVAC system, or… something?
Okay, so. Here's the thing. My biggest issue? The elevators. There were *two* elevators, and they felt… slow. Like, agonizingly slow. Especially during peak times. I think I spent a small portion of my life waiting for the elevators. Seriously, if if you're impatient, maybe pack a book for the elevator rides. Or learn to love the stairs (though I did not, because I’m lazy). Other than that? Nothing major. The air conditioning worked fine (thank god – Portland summers can get surprisingly hot). The staff was generally friendly. Just, you know... factor in the elevator wait times when you're planning your day. It was the only thing that REALLY bugged me, to be honest. Almost a dealbreaker, but the view saved it. Seriously, that view…
Is there a pool? Because a hotel pool is basically a requirement in my book.
Nope. No pool. I know, I know. A tragedy, right? Especially on a hot day. But hey, you have the river right there! (Kinda compensates, I guess.) Plus, Portland's got tons of parks and splash pads. But yeah, if you're a die-hard pool person, this probably isn't the place for you. (Apologies for the letdown.)
Overall, would you recommend it? Give it to me straight.
Okay, here's the bottom line. Yes, I would recommend it. Especially if you're looking for a convenient, clean, and reasonably priced place to stay with *amazing* river access and views. It's not the Ritz, but it's a solid choice. The location, honestly, just makes it. The elevator situation? Yeah, it’s a pain. But the sunsets? And walking along the river? Worth. It. Seriously, go snag a room on a higher floor, river view. You won't regret it. Just… be prepared for the elevator waits. And maybe bring a book. And for the love of all that is holy, try the food carts! Okay, I'm done.
What about the gym? Because I always *intend* to work out on vacation...
The gym. Oh boy. So, they *have* a gym. I walked in once. It’s… small-ish. And let's just say it’s not exactly state-of-the-art. It had the basics. Treadmills, some weights, the usual. Didn't spend much time there. Look, if you're a serious fitness enthusiast, this isn't going to be your jamSerene Getaways
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