Birmingham's BEST Hotel? La Quinta Homewood Review!
Forget the Brochure, Let's Talk Real: A Chaotic Dive into [Hotel Name - You Figure It Out!]
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your average hotel review. Don’t expect a perfectly polished travel blog post. I'm here to spill the beans, the coffee, and maybe even a little bit of my emotional baggage on this… experience. Because let's face it, hotels – they’re not just bricks and mortar, are they? They’re tiny universes of potential joy, crushing disappointment, and the occasional existential crisis brought on by lukewarm coffee.
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Accessibility: A Mixed Bag (and a Near Disaster!)
They say they're accessible. And, well, technically they were. The ramps existed. The elevator worked. BUT, and it's a big but, some of the doors seemed to be permanently stuck in "Challenge Accepted" mode. Trying to maneuver a wheelchair and my suitcase (which, let’s be honest, is basically just another appendage) through some of those hallways? Pure, unadulterated agony.
Anecdote time: On the first day, I swear, I almost lost a wheel trying to get to the spa. I swear, there was a very angry moment. I did get a manager's attention, and the staff mostly adjusted. The staff were, as a whole, very accommodating, it has to be said.
On-site accessible restaurants/lounges: Yes, but the layouts sometimes felt more like a maze designed by a sadist with a penchant for decorative pillars.
Wheelchair accessible: Yep, mostly. They just need to, you know, practice the implementation.
Internet: Bless the Wi-Fi Gods! (Mostly)
Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: HALLELUJAH! Seriously, a proper, working Wi-Fi connection is worth its weight in gold. I need it for photos, research and, you know, keeping my sanity.
Internet [LAN]: Shudders. Remember LAN cables? I do. Thankfully, this hotel seems to recognize the death of the ethernet cord.
Internet services: They had them. The usual suspects.
Wi-Fi in public areas: Strong, but sometimes a little… crowded. Imagine a buffet of connectivity, with everyone competing for a piece of the bandwidth pie.
Things to Do/Ways to Relax: Spa Day or Bust (But Then, Again…)
Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Okay, this is where the hotel shines. The spa was gorgeous, the pool was breathtaking (even if the "view" was slightly obstructed by other people's selfies). The gym was a decent size, with enough equipment to at least attempt to work off the massive buffet breakfasts.
Anecdote time: the Sauna was great. It was actually too great, if you know what I mean? I almost fell asleep. I had to run out. I had to recover in the lobby. I just have a low tolerance for heat, despite my best efforts.
Cleanliness and Safety: A COVID Casualty (But Not a Disaster!)
Anti-viral cleaning products, Breakfast takeaway service, Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Shared stationery removed, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: It was obvious they were taking measures, masks, social distancing, the whole shebang. Not the most relaxed experience, but I'm glad they took it seriously. It felt safe, mostly.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Fueling the Adventure (or the Breakdown)
A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: The food situation was… complex. The breakfast buffet was a beast. A delicious, slightly overwhelming beast. So many choices! But also so many opportunities for regret. The coffee? Hits and misses. The bar? Definitely a hit, especially during happy hour. Room service? Worth it at 3 am when you inexplicably crave a club sandwich. I ate so many club sandwiches. I need to stop.
Services and Conveniences: The Perks (and the Potential for Headaches)
Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: This is where hotels try to impress you with their… stuff. The concierge was helpful. The daily housekeeping was a lifesaver. The elevator, as mentioned, worked (mostly). The convenience store was overpriced but essential for late-night snack runs.
For the Kids: (Bless Their Hearts!)
Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: I didn't have kids. I observed kids. They seemed… happy.
Access, Safety, and Security: (Because Feeling Safe Matters)
CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Pets allowed unavailablePets allowed, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms: It all felt secure. Like a slightly luxurious fortress.
Getting Around: Getting Lost (and Slightly Annoyed)
Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: Easy, actually. The airport transfers were smooth, which is a godsend after a long flight.
Available in All Rooms: The Nitty-Gritty (and Some Surprises)
Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens: The rooms were generally well-equipped. The blackout curtains were a lifesaver. The bed was… okay. The mini-bar was tempting and expensive. The complimentary tea was a nice gesture (though I still prefer coffee).
Anecdote Alert! My room had a weird leak. I didn't mention it at first. I thought it was a one-off. It wasn't. The staff eventually fixed it (with much apology and a free fruit basket), but let's just say it added a certain… character to my stay.
Final Verdict: It Depends (Don't They All?)
Look, this isn't a perfect hotel. It has its quirks, its flaws, and its moments of… questionable design choices. But, with all its faults, it's an experience. It's a place where you can relax (hopefully), indulge, and maybe even have a slightly existential crisis over a lukewarm cup of coffee.
Would I go back? Maybe. But this time, I'm bringing my own coffee. And maybe a plumber.
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Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because we're about to experience a slightly chaotic, probably slightly sweaty, and definitely opinionated tour of La Quinta Inn & Suites by Wyndham Birmingham Homewood. Think of it as… a lived experience itinerary. Consider yourselves warned.
Day 1: Arrival and the Glorious Struggle of the Lobby
3:00 PM - Arrival at the La Quinta. Okay, traffic. Always traffic. I swear, Birmingham drivers are either speed demons or Sunday drivers with a serious grudge against the gas pedal. Finally made it. The outside? Looks like a La Quinta. Standard. Expecting a beige haven and let's be real, I got it.
3:15 PM - The Lobby Gauntlet. Check-in! Or…the slight annoyance of check-in. The woman behind the desk – bless her heart, she looked like she'd seen some things – was very patient with the family in front of me who were apparently trying to check ALL their luggage, including the cat carrier, and… figure out the hotel coupons. Finally, my turn. "Suite, please," I whined, my travel-weary soul screaming for a mini-fridge.
3:25 PM - Room Reveal and the Quest for the Coffee. Success! Room acquired. Clean enough, but the air-conditioning is, as always, a battle. The coffee situation, on the other hand, seems to be a whole other level, I am pretty sure they're using mud water. I decided to give it a try, maybe they have to save on expenses and the cost of real coffee. Sigh.
4:00 PM - Emotional Baggage and the TV Remote. Unpacked a bit. The suitcase is a goddamn monster. Why do I always pack so much? And the joy of figuring out the TV remote.
5:00 PM - Poolside…or Not. I peeked out the window at the pool. Looked… green-ish. No judgment. Maybe I'm just not a pool person. Decided to embrace the indoor air conditioning and watch TV.
7:00 PM - Homewood Exploration: Dinner at (Insert local restaurant here – TBD). Okay, the hotel's not exactly in the most lively area, but Homewood is decent! Found some good reviews. Dinner at a local restaurant. I am usually the person who looks for food, but this time, I also had a friend with me, and we decided to go somewhere that would be more interesting than normal. Hopefully, it lives up to the hype!
9:00 PM - Bedtime Ritual and the Great Pill Search. Back to the room. The day's been longer than expected, I need some rest. Gotta take my pills. Searching for pills! Ugh. Did I bring them?
Day 2: Breakfast Fiasco and the Pursuit of Birmingham Charm
7:00 AM - The Breakfast Buffet: A Love-Hate Relationship. The eternal hotel breakfast. The usual suspects are present: Scrambled eggs that are either rubbery or suspiciously fluffy, a waffle maker that you're pretty sure hasn't been cleaned since the Nixon administration, and the questionable fruit. I powered through, though. Coffee's slightly better, but I'm still mourning the lost coffee of my dreams.
8:00 AM - The Bathroom Drama. I really should have checked the shower pressure before that first cup of coffee. The shower water pressure is enough to consider it a torture method.
9:00 AM - A Drive-by of Vulcan Park and Museum: (Just kidding - actually, my phone fell on the floor, so I had to find a place to go to buy a new one). I had the chance to visit Vulcan Park and Museum but I really needed to buy a new phone. It has been damaged, but it's also my fault for not having it in a case.
12:00 PM - Lunch: (Insert local restaurant here – TBD) I am seriously starving.
2:00 PM - Birmingham City Center Exploration: I hate driving. But maybe, despite my reluctance, I will have to drive to Birmingham City Center and walk around.
5:00 PM - The Return of the Room and the Existential Dread of Unpacking. Back to the beige embrace of my room. Maybe it's the travel, maybe it's the lack of sunshine (or excessive sunshine), but I'm suddenly questioning everything. Unpacking again… Why do I even DO this?!?
7:00 PM - Dinner: (Insert local restaurant here – TBD). I will call my friend to go to dinner.
9:00 PM - The Sleep Struggle Bus. I keep wondering, why is there a 24-hour gym if no one ever goes there? Maybe I should give it a try. If I am able to sleep, I will.
Day 3: Departure…and Regrets (Probably)
7:00 AM - Last Breakfast, Last Stand? One last go at the buffet. I will find the least questionable option.
8:00 AM - Packing Panic. Why is it that everything always takes longer than you think? Trying to repack. The suitcase is even heavier than it was before because I bought some souvenirs.
9:00 AM - Check-Out: Adios, La Quinta! The final exchange with the slightly weary front desk person. I manage to get out of here!
9:30 AM - Goodbye, Birmingham (Maybe?) Head to the airport (or wherever else I'm going). Reflect on the hotel. It wasn't perfect. Far from it. But, hey. It was a place to sleep. And in the end, isn’t that what matters?
12:00 PM - The Aftermath. I am already dreaming of a proper coffee. And a vacation from my vacation.
Final Thoughts:
This is just a basic outline. The actual experience, as always, will be filled with unexpected detours, mood swings, food comas, and the ever-present fear that I left my charger in the room. That's the beauty of travel, right? The glorious mess of it all.
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So, what *is* this thing anyway? Like, what are we even *talking* about here?
Alright, alright, settle down, I'll get to it. Let's just say we're talking about... (deep breath) ... **My Attempts to Bake a Decent Scone.** Yep. You heard that right. Scones. The humble, crumbly, frequently disappointing breakfast pastry. And my, admittedly, *ongoing* struggle to get them right. Look, I'm no Michelin-star chef, okay? I'm a person who *likes* scones, and for some reason, the ones I make taste less like "scone" and more like "slightly sweetened brick." We're trying to fix that. Or at least, understand *why* the bricks happen.
Okay... And why scones? What's the deal with THAT obsession?
Ugh. The obsession. Don’t even *start* me. It started innocently enough. A rainy afternoon, a yearning for something comforting, and a slightly moth-eaten cookbook. *That* cookbook. The one with the pictures of perfectly golden, impossibly fluffy scones. I saw those pictures… and that was it. I was *hooked*. Scones are the siren song of baking! And honestly, I blame those *pictures*. They lied. They *lied* to my face. Well, to my eyeballs. And now here I am, probably spent a fortune on all these flour trying to fix it.
So, you've *tried* making them? How'd that go?
Let’s just say it's been… an educational journey. Mostly educational in the way that trying to assemble IKEA furniture is educational. You learn a LOT about your own vocabulary of swear words. My first batch? Rock hard. Seriously, you could have killed a small rodent with them. I remember, I actually *threw* one at the wall out of sheer frustration. (Don't judge me, it was a bad day.) Then, I tried adding more butter. Disaster. Then less! Nope. More milk. Nope! The list goes on. Each attempt has been a new, glorious, and slightly humiliating learning experience.
What went wrong? Did you follow the recipe?
The recipe... the sacred text! Yeah, I followed it. Mostly. (Okay, sometimes I made *slight* modifications. Like subbing in… well, let’s just say, I might’ve experimented with some substitutions that definitely didn't belong.) But sometimes I think the recipes are to blame. Some recipes tell you to use ice cold butter. But its not like I can tell if the butter is actually cold or just feels cold to my fingertips, right? I mean, where is the line?
What about the tools? Do you have the right stuff?
Tools? Ah, yes. I've got the basics. A bowl, a wooden spoon, a baking sheet. But I *suspect* my baking sheet is the problem. It's old. Like, really old. Maybe even older than *me*. I think its more out of spite at this point than even hope that the scone will turn out well. I used to be so proud of this baking sheet. It had served me well for years. Now? I'm starting to think its cursed. Maybe the ghosts of bad scones past are haunting it. I've been thinking about buying a new one, a fancy metal one, but then where's the fun if you can't blame the equipment? I haven't bought a new one yet.
Do you have any *tips* for scone-making, even if yours haven't been successful?!
Tips? Oh, honey, I'm drowning in tips! They're coming at me from everywhere. "Use cold butter!" "Don't overmix!" "Handle gently!" I heard them all. I *tried* them all! And yet... brick! Here is the thing, the "expert" baker at the end of the day, you need to *feel* it. You need to *know*, intuitively, when the dough is right. And I don't. I'm just a scone-making noob. So my advice? Be patient. Be prepared to fail. And buy a really, *really* good whisk. And maybe... a good therapist. Or maybe some good, pre-made scones. I'm on the fence about that latter point. Its hard to admit defeat.
What kind of scones are you aiming for?
I want the fluffy, perfect scones they have in those movies where everyone is wearing an elegant dress and eating scones by a fireplace! I want the ones that crumble just so, the ones that are golden brown on the top and light on the inside. I want the kind of scones you can smell baking from *miles* away. I want... a scone that doesn't make me question my life choices. That's all. Is that too much to ask?
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